Saying “sorry” is generally considered a sign of good manners. But some people use the word so frequently that they apologise for asking questions, interrupting conversations, taking up someone’s time or making requests that do not require an apology. While this may look like simple politeness, psychology research suggests that frequent apologising can influence how people perceive the person using it.
Studies on apologies indicate that people who apologise frequently may be viewed as more considerate, warm and focused on maintaining relationships. At the same time, repeated apologies can sometimes affect perceptions of confidence and assertiveness. That does not mean that everyone who says sorry often lacks confidence. The reasons behind the behaviour and the situation in which an apology is given are important.
Perception
One relevant study is The Social Consequences of Frequent Versus Infrequent Apologizing, by Karina Schumann, Emily G. Ritchie and Amanda Forest. The research examined what the authors described as a person’s “apology baseline”, meaning how often that individual typically apologises.
The researchers found that people with a higher apology baseline were generally associated with greater communion. In psychology, communion describes characteristics such as warmth, cooperation, concern for others and an interest in maintaining interpersonal relationships.
This can help explain why frequent apologising may sometimes create a favourable impression. When someone regularly says, “Sorry for interrupting,” or “Sorry to keep you waiting,” they may be communicating that they are aware of how their actions affect other people.
However, the research also identified a different perception. In one study, people with a high apology baseline were judged lower in agency. Agency is associated with qualities such as assertiveness, effectiveness and confidence.
This finding concerns perception rather than a person’s actual ability. Someone who apologises frequently may be just as capable as anyone else, while their communication style can nevertheless influence how others interpret their behaviour.
Warmth
Frequent apologies can sometimes communicate concern for social harmony.
An apology acknowledges that another person’s experience matters. Even when the issue is relatively minor, saying sorry can indicate that someone has noticed a possible inconvenience or discomfort and wants to address it.
For this reason, people who apologise regularly may be perceived as attentive to the needs and feelings of others. In social situations, that can contribute to an impression of warmth and consideration.
The research also suggested that people with a high apology baseline could receive a more favourable response when they later provided a specific apology. Their usual pattern of apologising could contribute to perceptions that they were more communal or relationship-focused.
It is important not to take this finding too far. Frequent apologising does not automatically indicate low self-esteem, anxiety or people-pleasing. The study focused on social perceptions and interpersonal processes. It did not establish that these personality characteristics are the cause of frequent apologising.
Confidence
The relationship between apologising and confidence is more complicated.
Consider two people making the same request. One might say, “Could you send me the report?” Another might say, “Sorry to bother you, but could you please send me the report?”
The underlying request is identical, but the second version contains an apology that may not be necessary. Repeatedly framing ordinary requests as inconveniences can sometimes make a person appear less assertive, even when they are not actually less confident.
The findings concerning agency are relevant here. Frequent apologising may influence how other people assess characteristics associated with confidence and effectiveness, particularly when the apologies are perceived as less appropriate or lower in quality.
However, context remains important. Saying sorry after genuinely hurting someone is different from apologising for asking a reasonable question or expressing a legitimate need.
The distinction is therefore not between people who apologise and people who never do. It is between apologies that serve a clear interpersonal purpose and apologies that have become an automatic response.
Relationships
Apologies can have a broader role in maintaining relationships.
A 2021 study published in Scientific Reports, titled Experimental evidence that apologies promote forgiveness by communicating relationship value, examined how apologies can influence interpersonal repair.
The researchers found that people who received an apology could assign greater relationship value to the person who had offended them. This perception was associated with greater forgiveness.
An apology, therefore, can communicate more than an acknowledgement of wrongdoing. It can also provide information about the relationship itself. In practical terms, it may suggest that the person who caused the offence recognises the importance of maintaining the relationship.
The effect was not identical in every situation. Apologies had a weaker influence when the other person was already perceived as highly valuable to the participant. When the value of a relationship is already clear, an apology may provide less new information.
This helps explain why apologies can be particularly useful when a disagreement creates uncertainty about another person’s intentions or commitment to the relationship.
Balance
So, what might constant apologising mean?
There is no single explanation. A person who says sorry frequently may be particularly attentive to interpersonal harmony and concerned about how their behaviour affects others. That can contribute to an impression of warmth and consideration.
At the same time, habitual apologies can sometimes affect perceptions of confidence when they are attached to ordinary actions that do not require an apology. Repeatedly apologising for asking questions, making reasonable requests or taking up appropriate space may unintentionally make those actions sound less assertive.
That does not mean people should stop saying sorry. A sincere apology remains useful when someone has caused harm, made a mistake or needs to acknowledge another person’s experience.
The more useful approach may be to consider why the apology is being made. Is it addressing an actual mistake, or has “sorry” simply become part of the way a person communicates?
Psychology research suggests that apologies can serve several social functions. They may communicate empathy, signal concern for relationships and support forgiveness after an offence. But frequent apologies can also influence how others perceive assertiveness. Ultimately, the meaning of saying “sorry” depends less on the word itself and more on the context, intention and pattern behind it.
FAQs
Why do some people say sorry constantly?
They may place strong importance on harmony and others’ feelings.
Does frequent apologising mean low confidence?
No. It may affect how others perceive confidence and assertiveness.
Can apologies improve relationships?
Yes. Sincere apologies can signal that a relationship matters.
Can saying sorry too often affect perception?
Yes. It can sometimes make a person seem less assertive.
Should people stop apologising frequently?
Not always. Apologies are useful when they acknowledge genuine harm.
